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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926561">VULNERABLE</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalBrat/pseuds/PhenomenalBrat'>PhenomenalBrat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shadow hand Saga [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:13:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926561</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalBrat/pseuds/PhenomenalBrat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James confides some pain in his new girlfriend in the wake of Hasani's death and turns back towards therapy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>JAMES OLSEN/original characters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shadow hand Saga [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818811</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>VULNERABLE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>VULNERABLE </p>
<p>( Dansen, James/OC, Supercorp)</p>
<p>Authors notes: It's actually neccesary and important that men be allowed to be emotionally vulnerable and not bottle things up to the point of toxic masculinity. Greif and the processing of grief is complicated and not violent expression of grief should be encouraged and not percieved as emasculation.</p>
<p>Authors' notes 2: Meh is pretty much garbage, egotistical, uses slurs, disrespects Muslims and insults lesbians, but it is possible to separate his shit behavior from the Character of James. I'm honestly not a fan of him. There was a lot of potential with James as a character though, that all got sidelined or rewritten poorly after they brought in mon-el ( a white male Character who treated Kara poorly and owned slaves) to replace James as Karas LI, then illogically tried to force Lolsen. Season 1 and 4b and season 5a gave a more balanced James plot and potential background plot to mine out. I like the version of James there and in fics it's that part of James' character that's expounded upon which I think repairs the disservice the show did to the character. </p>
<p>Authors' notes 3: This chronologically takes place after 'shadow games' and before 'Trigger warnings' but you don't technically need to read this to understand 'Trigger warnings ' tbh.</p>
<p>Authors' notes 4: Most of this one shot is from James PoV. I wanted to be fair and tell you. If you don't like James Olsen the character, then this fanfic is not for you.</p>
<p>By: PhenomenalBrat </p>
<p>Ecstacy… everything was ecstasy. His hand  was guiding Serenes' movements as she ground out her own pleasure, riding his "rod" and finding just the right angle.  "James...oh…" Serenes' voice was like nectar as she moaned and begged. Her eyes were closed and her head was back; her body open and ready for more of his touch, as one hand moved up teasing over her ample and firm breast, driving her closer to that edge. </p>
<p>James sat up, still careful and gentle, concerned about giving Serene pleasure to soothe her bodys' needs. His lips kissed her neck softly even as his movements increased in speed and power.  "Oh…James yes! God!" She was practically panting, wordless as she praised his efforts and he could feel how close she was. Serenes' voice got...loud as she reached her peak, practically yelling. He found himself falling over that high with her. Stars were exploding behind his eyes, fireworks going off as he rode out the moment with her. As she came down, boneless, soft and satisfied he carefully moved,  turning to his side, guiding her down so she lay side by side with him as her body rippled through pleasurable after shocks. Beautiful,  absolutely gorgeous,  he thought as he watched her. For the first time in weeks the haunting thoughts he had been replaying since his trip to Freeland to check on Kelly in that Wellness Center type place, had been quieted.</p>
<p>The siren scream of Hasanis loss had momentarily ceased. He sat up on the bed, sitting back against the headboard  and pulling Serene close to let her head rest on his leg.</p>
<p>"James?" Serenes' voice called to him after a few moments. Her head was resting on his thigh. "Are you ready to talk about it?"</p>
<p>"Serene…"</p>
<p>"James...it's been weeks now. We- you can't hold this in like this." She was right. He was still feeling like he should deflect the question though.</p>
<p>"There hasn't been time to-"</p>
<p>"There's time now." Serene told him as she looked up at him. He felt distinctly vulnerable at the moment and not just from his state of undress.</p>
<p>"I'm here." She told him. " It's- you can talk about him. I miss him too."  Serene had gone to school, with Kelly and Hasani, graduating just one year earlier than them and a year later than James so of course she would remember him and in her own way be mourning him too.</p>
<p>" I'm sorry I've been so-"</p>
<p>"Hey." Serene cut him off, " you have nothing to be sorry for babe."  She sat up in the bed, looking him in the eye. " It's okay. I just have been worried."</p>
<p>"I- I had a- a uhm...a nightmare. " James admits.</p>
<p>  "James…" "I've had it a few times. It's… It's Kelly. She's dead...in my nightmare. I don't make it in time to protect her. I didn't make it in time to protect Hasani and-" James can feel his eyes stinging a bit with unshed tears. "When we were kids it was so much easier. Now…"</p>
<p>"James…   </p>
<p>                      .            .             .              .</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Second semester of James first year in junior high/middle school. He's about 12 here, and Kelly and Hasani are ten and still in 5th grade)</p>
<p>James was brimming with unspoken excitement as he ran out the door on the side of the school. He had been selected for the school Newspaper. Mr Mallory, the faculty advisor had hand picked him. The first meeting of the Semester had introduced him to about 20 other students that would be working on it as well. A few were 7th graders like him but the bulk of the group was 9th and 8th graders. Patience Darson, the student editor, had smiled at him and commented about how she had seen some of his stuff hung up in the photography art class. He was feeling rather good about that and had he had a bit more confidence in that moment, he might have concluded that she was flirting with him, were he not the embodiment of Black nerd energy. The run down the sidewalk took him up the street, and around the corner, then down multiple blocks, headed towards the elementary to grab Kelly.</p>
<p>Hasani would definitely be with her too and as was their routine, they would walk home together. He came up the street on the back side of the school near the larger play ground and walked through the opening in the gate. Kelly and Hasani should have been on the swings or on the back steps. There were some other kids wondering around and playing, but he didn't see the two he was looking for. "Mikey!" He called out the name of a younger boy that he recognized. " Hey," he waved as Mikey looked over at him. "Have you seen Kelly or Hasani?"</p>
<p>Mikey laughed. " They left about 10 minutes ago. Hasani said he knew a short cut."</p>
<p>James nodded. He was irritated but he couldn't really blame them. He was about 30 minutes late picking them up. He might still be able to catch up with them though if they were taking one of Hasanis' shortcuts. Mikey pointed towards the school. " They went through the school and out the door at the other end of the hall. I think they cut through the small playground."</p>
<p>"Is it still unlocked?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Janitor's gonna be there cleaning until 5 so…"</p>
<p>James cut through the playground, pass the swing sets and big toy and slides and reached the door, opening it and running down the hall to the opposite door, heading out to the other playground on the opposite side of the school. He ran across the grass to the opening on the other side and was out the fence. He turned right and headed down the street.  He wished more than anything that funding to the 'Boys and Girls club' hadn't been cut a few months ago otherwise Kelly and Hasani could have caught the bus there. It used to be open Monday-Friday from 230-730 and Saturday from noon to 5. They served snacks and dinner. Now it was only functioning at half capacity. It was closed Saturday completely. And only opened Wednesday and Thursday and Friday at full capacity. They tried to still hand out snacks at the side door a bit on Monday and Tuesday but that was it. Uncle Henry had tried to rally funds to save the place but Cancer...well disease and death take their victims indiscriminately. </p>
<p>He figured that Kelly and Hasani would either be almost home or lost by now. The fact that they were together gave him comfort though. At least he hadn't left Kelly by herself in this case. James was probably a 3 blocks from the house. He hadn't seen any sign of Kelly or Hasani.  BARK BARK BARK!!! The sound of the Merkilins' loud, viscous, poorly trained rotwiller named Buttons, barking at something or someone caught his attention right before he heard Hasanis' voice on the other side of the fence between the alley and the side of the street he was on.</p>
<p>" Keke get back!!"</p>
<p>Shit. He moved closer to the fence, tipping the empty recycle bin over to boost himself up and look over the fence. Hasani was holding a stick and trying to hold off Buttons. Kelly was standing behind him to the side with a trash can lid in her hands. Buttons' was between them and the fence James was looking over.</p>
<p>"Stay back!!" Hasani ordered the dog.</p>
<p>BARK BARK BARK </p>
<p>James honestly hated that dog. The Merkilins' let that thing roam around unleashed in the neighborhood way too often. James jumped over the fence, and sat his bag down. "Hey!"</p>
<p>He yelled to get Buttons attention.</p>
<p>  "Jay! " Hasani seemed like he thought James had saved the day.</p>
<p>"James!"</p>
<p>Button turned around towards James, then back towards Hasanis before lunging at Kelly and Hasani. James ran forward using all his weight to tackle the dog as Hasani hit in the head with a stick. "Bad dog!" Kelly told Buttons as the dog thrashed about, finally breaking out of James hold. Buttons tackled James, attempting to bite him as Kelly and Hasani tried to stop him and pull the dog off James. Hasani swung the stick, hitting Buttons a few times and Kelly and him managed to push Buttons off James. Finally the dog seemed to have had enough. "You two…" James indicated the fence behind him as they carefully backed towards it.  He turned to the side and helped Hasani over, then boosted Kelly up, still keeping an eye on Buttons. Grabbing his bag, he scrambled over the fence, jumping to boost himself up and pull himself over.  "Jay. Thank god you made it. My shortcut almost killed us!"</p>
<p>"Are we all okay?" Kelly was checking out the scratches and dog slobber all over them. Nothing too serious but still some bandaids would probably be needed here and there. James wasn't too worried about a few scratches. He saved Kelly and Hasani and that was really all that mattered right then. </p>
<p>               .           .              .           .</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"... and I guess some part of me just always thought that somehow, I or someone would always show up in time to save them." Serene was laying cup his face in her hands as she leaned forward to kiss his forehead, before pulling back to look at him.</p>
<p>" You take the weight of the world in your shoulders. You shouldn't have to." "</p>
<p>I-"</p>
<p>"James, have you-? Did you talk to Kelly yet?</p>
<p>James looked down, feeling almost embarrassed and trying to find the right wording. Serene lay back down, resting her head on his leg as she let him collect his thoughts for a moment.  "She's been through enough. I can't dump my grief on her too. I've- I failed her enough in the past."</p>
<p>"James, you didn't fail. You just didn't know." "Hasani helped her actually." He smiled alittle thinking about him now. "You know he called me too. I knew. I was just- I didn't know what to do at the time."            </p>
<p>                    .            .             .             .</p>
<p> </p>
<p>( 2 weeks after Kelly went to stay with Hasani and Selik)</p>
<p>James was awoken by the sound of his cellphone going off. He rubbed his eyes, blinking and trying to unfog his brain. There was every chance that this was Cat calling about some new random deadline, as if the world was on fire at...wtf? It was 5:15am.</p>
<p>"Hello." He answered. </p>
<p>"Big Jay. Hey I'm sorry for calling...actually it's probably Hella earlier were you are since it's only a little pass 8 here."</p>
<p>It took James' mind a moment to catch up and connect. "Hasani hey. What's-?"</p>
<p>"Kekes' back. She got in two weeks ago."</p>
<p>"Yeah. Mom told me. She hadn't exactly called."</p>
<p>"Yeah. She's- I'm worried about her Jay." If Hasani was worried then something was definitely wrong. He was intuitive in a hard to explain way about people. The subject matter kicked started James' mind into full wakefulness.  "Is she okay? Is she hurt?"</p>
<p>"Physically she's perfectly fine more or less depending-" Hasani paused. "They- the military put her through the ringer. She- she lost people Jay. She lost someone...someone important and she's just been through a lot." James could not even find words. "I'm so-"</p>
<p>"She's- for a little bit I was honestly scared that she was sinking. I think it's gonna be okay eventually. "</p>
<p>"Hasani, thank you for telling me."</p>
<p>"Do you want me to see if Keke will call you as soon as she can or-?"</p>
<p>"I-" James wasn't sure how he could help or what to say. "It's okay. She will call when she's ready or I'll call.  There was a pause.</p>
<p>" Jay, listen I know this is gonna come outta left field but...love can be lost so easily. If- if there's someone special you've been holding back with, maybe, the time is now." Hasani advised him.</p>
<p>James looked over at his night stand where a special picture he had been saving for Kara lay propped up. He was struck with the thought of how intuitive Hasani was all over again. "You do the same. " "I do plan to make Selik an honest man one day. " Hasani told him. He could hear the admiration and love Hasani felt for Selik, even though the phone. "So if Keke doesn't hit you up soon, just hit me back."</p>
<p>"Of course."         </p>
<p>   .            .              .             .</p>
<p>"I let myself get so caught up with other stuff that I failed to take care of her. I think part of me knew that she had Hasani, so I just didn't reach out enough."</p>
<p>"You didn't fail her though. You gave Hasani the space to help her in a way that you knew you couldn't at the time. That's not failure. That's how you helped."</p>
<p>"But Hasani-"</p>
<p>"James, this is about more than Hasani's death or Kelly isn't it?" Serene stated it, more than asked. She had this talent for reading his thoughts. </p>
<p>"For a while now, I've just wondered if maybe, Guardian could have saved Hasani in a way that I couldn't. "</p>
<p>"James you didn't know...and you're saving lives just by keeping the paper going." Serene sat up again and looked at him. </p>
<p>James felt those tears he had been holding back, finally fall; a few escaping to slip down the side of his face. Serene pulled him closer, letting his head lay on her chest as she hugged him. </p>
<p>"Babe…" She paused like she was contemplating and considering what she was about to ask. "Will you go see doctor Jamison with me, or solo." James rolled that thought over in his head. Doctor  Kathryn Jamison was a therapist that Serene saw. Nothing crazy or excessive, but rather just for what she called 'mental rejuvenation' and James definitely wasn't against the idea of therapy.</p>
<p>He had seen a therapist in the past at Kelly's insistence. He took a breath before mumbling a "yes" out. "I love you." Serene told him, rubbing his back.         </p>
<p>    .             .            .            .</p>
<p>( 3 weeks later)</p>
<p>Serene was sitting across the desk laughing at his Mickey mouse joke as she worked on editing a piece she had been working on about the toxicity of the new proposed sewage plant. James had been reviewing everything turned in for the issue of the paper scheduled to go out soon. It had honestly been a long few days. Therapy had been...amazing. He had almost forgotten how refreshing it was to pour out stress like that.</p>
<p>Serene had been so supportive and helped him through it. He'd gone about 6 times in the past 3 weeks. A few times with Serene and a few by himself. Couples therapy and individual therapy when done right was actually kinda sexy.  The nagging feeling of blame he felt towards himself had slowly been channeled into internal reflection about his own life and attachment style. He was actually knee deep in reading a book that doctor Jamison had recommended.  It was called 'Attached' by Rachel Heller and it had really given him a lot to think about for both him and possibly Kelly and how they formed emotional attachments.</p>
<p>The books he'd been going over, on the subject of grief had been an even larger eye opener.</p>
<p>"I think I'm just about done with my piece. I need to review the rest of the pieces with you in the morning. " Serene was really solid in their partnership. She was always full steam ahead in work and he adored that about her.</p>
<p>" We still have that meeting with some of the investors but it's basically in the bag." James commented. </p>
<p>"Well then…" Serene stood up and stretched.  " We seemed to be done and it's 10 pm. I'm heading home for...oh a warm shower. I hope someone joins me to do my back…" She smiled suggestive before heading towards the office door after stuffing her laptop in her bag. Noone else was on the office at that point, except the two of them. James looked down to see the icon on his laptop indicating the email with her article had reached him. He closed the laptop, picked it up and put it in the bag before quickly following after Serene. A beautiful woman had asked him to get wet and naked in a shower with her. What was he gonna say?    </p>
<p>        .             .             .             .</p>
<p>The pleasurable foreplay in the shower, teasing touches and sinful promises of delicious things Serene planned to do to his body, with her mouth, carried on into the bedroom leading to a decadent night of love making as she worship his manhood with her mouth before he slipped inside her, carrying her to the crescendo or ecstacy, before they rested.        </p>
<p>       .            .              .          .</p>
<p>(4am in the morning)</p>
<p>RING RING!!</p>
<p>The low ringing buzz of his cellphone cut through his slumber like a knife. He fumbled half awake, still lost in rest, grabbing it and seeing Kellys' name, he answered in a whispered tone,  trying not to wake Serene.</p>
<p>"Hello" He practically whispered, as he slid his body slowly out of the bed grabbing a pair of boxers he had tossed on the dresser the night before as he had undressed for the shower.</p>
<p>He slipped into the bathroom.</p>
<p>"James. Hey. I-"</p>
<p>"Kelly. " he checked the time, seeing it was around 4am now. "</p>
<p>It's 4 in the morning. Are you-? Is everything okay?" His brain was still waking up and trying to figure out what was going on. </p>
<p>" James, I'm in the hospital. "</p>
<p>Those words are like a bucket of ice cold water slapping him in the face, yanking him into wakefulness almost forcefully.  "What?" </p>
<p>"Alex…" Kellys' voice seemed distraught but not totally defeated.</p>
<p>"Alex is hurt?"</p>
<p>"He shot her. Then, I- I shot someone James. I'm so-" Kelly is getting a bit rambling now, and he can practically here her emotionally lacerating herself.  James could feel himself sliding into brother mode. He was gonna take care of this, just like Hasani had done that last time…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>FIN Thanks for reading. The next story in the cycle is Trigger Warnings which will be coming soon.             </p>
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